Other than these columns, I spend most of my writing energy penning serious letters and emails, on behalf of the amazing politician I work for and with. I鈥檓 blessed to do it, and thank God I can.
But some days, another vein of writing busts out, a less serious one. God made us in his image 鈥� with a funny bone 鈥� so when a good clean laugh bowls us over, I think he joins in. Perhaps he chuckled a little on the day I sent this tongue-in-cheek memo. With apologies to any of my readers who genuinely suffer from hemorrhoids, (and since I missed April Fool鈥檚 Day) I share it with you, (especially if you have a desk job).
MEMO TO MY OFFICE COLLEAGUES
Some of you have told me that you find the piles obscuring your desks and filing cabinets stressful. I have the same problem. In a bit of downtime a few months ago, I went online and searched 鈥淗ow to Cope with Piles.鈥� Google retrieved some great tips. I thought I鈥檇 pass them on. I鈥檝e added my personal notes in italics.
HOW TO COPE WITH PILES
鈥� Wash your piles gently, using soft tissue. (Long-standing piles attract dust. Best to keep them clean, but use a dry tissue 鈥� it won鈥檛 smudge ink.)
鈥ab, rather than wipe. (Well, duh. Wiping shifts paper around - so much for those stupid Excel files.)
鈥� Sit in warm water several times a day. Your piles will irritate you less. (I鈥檝e sent a memo to Material Management to install a hot tub in my office. Still waiting for it to arrive.)
鈥� Straining to eliminate makes piles worse. (It really does. Used to be, on the days the boss came in, my piles made me a basket case. Now I just stack pile on pile and tidy the edges. Play it cool. Don鈥檛 fret. Deep breathing and relaxing music helps.)
鈥� You are less likely to be bothered by piles if you eat a diet rich in fiber. (This really works. I eat beans daily. Hardly anyone comes near my desk anymore, and in spite of my piles, I stay calm. Perhaps most of our stress is related to how we think others view our messes鈥� who knew?)
鈥� Wear loose and carefree clothing and undergarments. (Honestly, this one has me stumped, but I鈥檝e purchased a few swirly top to test it. Still pondering the undergarments. I鈥檒l let you know if all that helps. Just remember 鈥� what happens at the office STAYS at the office.)
鈥� When your piles stress you considerably, try a cream or gel. (Double chocolate gelato or maple-pecan full-fat ice cream ALWAYS works for me.)
鈥� In severe cases, seek professional help. (Google 鈥榩rofessional organizer.鈥� Choose one and tell her you need immediate assistance to deal with a bad case of piles.)
Hope that helps someone today! Back to work now鈥�. Kathleen Gibson
Friends, laugh a little today! God made you with giggles and guffaws 鈥� use them.
